The Princess and The Jerk
by lorry11109915
Summary: South Park is a magical land far, far away. Cartman is a prince. Lorry is a princess. Kenny's a magic man. Trent Boyett is an evil prince of dark magic. EricxOC
1. Chapter 1

The Princess and The Jerk

In the land of South Park, there were two kingdoms. One kingdom was ruled by King Big Gay Al and his daughter and son, Princess Lorry and Prince DeBuis. The other kingdom was ruled by Queen Liane and her son, Prince Eric. In Queen Liane's kingdom, there would always be eligible princesses lined up to meet her son. Prince Eric made a vow that he would never wed until he found a woman who could stand his unchangeable personality. So far, no princess met this standard. When King Big Gay Al heard of this proclamation, he decided to meet with Queen Liane and discuss betrothing their children. For his daughter had made a vow to never wed until she found a man who could fall in love with her, not her beauty.

"So, Princess Lorry won't even see a suitor until he passes a test?" Queen Liane asked. King Big Gay Al nodded. "I'm afraid she's a very stubborn child. The test is basically a personality test." he said to her. Liane nodded. "I've tried to talk her out of this, but she won't listen to reason." Al sighed. "My little Eric is the same way. So head-strong and independent. Sometimes, I doubt he'll ever take a bride." Liane shook her head at the thought. "Because of his attitude?" Al asked. She shook her head. "Because of his personality. He has a perfectly normal attitude... towards most things." she hesitated.

Meanwhile, Prince Eric was busy torturing his adviser, Kyle. "Your highness, maybe you should be more careful with how you talk to princesses." he advised. Eric paced back and forth. "That would require me to change my personality, which-"  
"Which is against the vow, I know. I know..." Kyle interrupted, annoyed. Eric smiled. "Are you getting agitated, adviser?" he teased. Kyle shook his head violently. "Mother said she was setting me up with some princess in the next kingdom over. Do you know anything of her?" Eric asked. Kyle was about to answer, but then, the town mystery man, Kenny, walked in. "Ah! Kenny! Just the man I need." Eric said when he saw him. "You needed info on Princess Lorry? Here's her picture." Kenny said, handing him a portrait. The woman in the picture had light brown skin, jet black hair, and kind brown eyes. But, her beauty alone wasn't enough for Eric. "Do you know anything about her personality?" Eric asked, putting the portrait in his pocket. Kenny snapped his fingers. Before the three boys was a big crystal ball. "Look for yourself." Kenny said to them. Eric and Kyle leaned closer to the ball and saw an image inside. It was Princess Lorry in her garden, admiring the birds.

"Lucky things." she said. "They don't look at outward appearances. They find love based on what's on the inside." a bird flew over to her and chirped. She started to sing with it. "_I wonder... I wonder... I wonder why each little bird has a someone... To sing to... Sweet things to... A gay little lark melody. I wonder... I wonder... If my heart keeps singing, will my song go winging... To someone... who'll find me... and bring back a love song to me?_" She finished singing just as a young man, a few years older than she, walked up. "Still talking to the birds, little sister?" he teased. Princess Lorry smiled at him and patted the seat next to her. "DeBuis... I'll never find my prince, will I?" she asked. Debuis shook his head. "Of course, you will. He's out there... somewhere." he sighed. Lorry looked up at the sky. "Do you remember what Grandmother would always say?" she asked. DeBuis nodded. "'There's a lid for every pot?'" she nodded. "Maybe, my lid is just lost... But, I find it. I've just gotta look harder!" she said, standing up. Prince DeBuis chuckled. "You never were one to give up easily." he said.

Kenny snapped his fingers again, and the crystal ball vanished. "That enough for ya?" he asked. Eric was still entranced by the princess's beautiful voice. Kyle waved his hand in front of Eric's half-lidded eyes. No result. Kyle shrugged his shoulders. "Let's hope she likes him as much as he does her." he said to Kenny, who nodded in agreement.

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**"I Wonder" from Sleeping Beauty. Thought it fit at that moment.**


	2. Chapter 2

The Princess and The Jerk

Queen Liane straightened Prince Eric's vest and his hat while they were riding to King Big Gay Al's castle. "Mother, please stop fidgeting with my clothing." he begged. Liane smoothed out the front of her dress. "I'm sorry, poopsie. But, I want you to look your best for Princess Lorry." she confessed. Eric rolled his eyes and rested his head in his hand. _Will she like me? Of course, she will. I'm Prince Eric Cartman. _He thought to himself.

Princess Lorry looked out the window to see a carriage pull up. She saw a queen and prince step out with suitcases packed. "Daddy... why are those people coming up to our castle with suitcases?" she asked. King Big Gay Al chuckled. "Well, honey-bunches, that's your new fiance and his mother." he explained. Lorry's eyes widened. "Daddy! Did you not hear me when I made my vow?!" she asked. Al walked over to her and hugged her. "Oh, come, now, Lorry... You were being so stubborn, no man would even bother taking your tests." he said. Lorry gasped. Then, the door opened. Al walked over to Liane and hugged her. "So glad you made it okay." he said. "And, I trust this is Prince Eric?" he asked. Liane nodded. She turned to say something to Eric, but he had dropped his bags and walked over to Lorry. "You have a beautiful singing voice." he said, kissing her hand. Lorry blushed. "You haven't even heard me sing..." she countered, turning away from him. "Oh, but I have. And, like I just said, it's beautiful." he complimented, kissing her hand once again. "Prince Eric!" she said, blushing even harder. "Please, call me Cartman." he said. Lorry cleared her throat. "Cartman... we're complete strangers. You can't kiss my hand like a gentleman caller." she pointed out. Eric smiled. "But, we're fiances... so, by law, I have the right to kiss your hand. And, more..." he said seductively. "Cartman!" Lorry exclaimed. She had never had a man so her this much attention that wasn't based on beauty. Prince Eric held his hand out for her to hold. She slowly intertwined her fingers with his. They walked outside, talking. Al and Liane smiled.

While Eric and Lorry were walking, they heard muffled cries for help. "Oh, right!" said Cartman, smacking his forehead. He rushed over to the carriage and untied Kyle from underneath it. "Oh, my goodness. Is he okay?" Lorry asked. Eric shrugged. "He should be." Lorry walked over and helped untie the rope from his mouth. "I'd kill you if you weren't a prince." he growled. Eric smiled. "Why was he underneath the carriage?" Lorry asked Eric. He grinned towards Kyle. "Because he's not allowed to ride inside of the carriage. And, I wasn't about to just let him go. No one would want him." he said, roughly untying the remaining ropes. Kyle rubbed his aching muscles and glared at Eric. Lorry looked at Kyle intently. "You're Jewish, aren't you?" she asked. Kyle flinched. "How did you..?" he started. Then, he looked at the ground. "Go ahead and tell your father, if you will."  
"I won't." she assured him. Eric raised an eyebrow at her. "But, what about my law? 'No Jews Allowed To Live.'" he said. Lorry stood up straight and put her hands on her hips. "That is the law in your kingdom, but _not _in mine. He is allowed to live in this kingdom, and apparently, in yours, as well." she said, walking away. Eric and Kyle followed her. "What do you mean?" Eric asked. Lorry smiled at him. "You feel compassion for him. You don't want him to die, you think him too much of a friend." she stated. Eric gently grabbed her arm before she could go any further. Then, he pulled her into his arms. "There are many things I feel, but never in my life would I feel _compassion _for a Jew." he whispered into her ear. She pulled away from him and smirked. "Oh, really? Then, I'll go get my father. He'll get rid of him for you." she said, skipping away. "No! No! There's no need-"  
"See?! You _do _think of him as a friend! I knew it the moment you untied him." she said, hugging him and resting her head on his shoulder. Eric hugged her back. "Am I interrupting?" a male's voice asked. Lorry turned to see her older brother watching them. "DeBuis... this is Prince Eric Cartman." she introduced. Cartman bowed to him. DeBuis smiled at them. "You two have fun. But, not too much fun." he said, winking at them. "DeBuis!" Lorry screamed, taking his hat off and hitting him with it. He chuckled, took his hat back, and departed.

Meanwhile, in a dark and evil castle far away, a prince watched Lorry and Eric from inside a crystal ball. He growled and slapped the ball, sending it hurling across the throne room. It smashed into the wall and shattered into a million fragments. He stood up and walked over to a mirror. The prince had blond hair slicked back with gel, a red vest, dark grey tights, a black shirt that showed most of his chest, and black boots. "That Eric thinks he can send me into exile... and, still get a bride?! Well, he chose the wrong man to exile. Trent Boyett shall have his revenge!" he cackled evilly.


	3. Chapter 3

The Princess and The Jerk

At dinner, Eric saw that Lorry wasn't eating. "Something troubling you, Princess?" he asked. Lorry smiled at him. "No, Prince Eric. I'm fine." she lied. DeBuis nervously looked at the clock. "Dad, may I please be excused?" he asked. "O-of course, son..." Al said. DeBuis stood quickly and departed. Lorry smiled a little.

DeBuis ran around the side of the castle and whistled three times. He heard silence. He was about to go back inside when he heard two weak whistles and a snap. He turned around and saw a man in tattered blue pants and a tattered brown shirt. "Stan." DeBuis sighed. Stan ran up to him and kissed him. "I missed you." Stan whispered. DeBuis rested his head on Stan's chest. "Oh, I missed you, too. I thought you'd forgotten about me..." he confessed. Stan lifted DeBuis' head so that their eyes met. "How could I forget the love of my life?" he asked before kissing him again.

Kyle turned back around the corner when he saw the two men kissing. he covered his mouth to keep from screaming. The prince... was gay? Kyle nearly fainted at the thought. _I've gotta tell someone! _He thought. He was about to run when he felt someone grab his arm roughly. he turned around and saw Stan glaring at him. "If you tell anyone about what you saw-"  
"Who says I saw anything?"  
"I know you did. I saw you. If you tell anyone, I'll make sure everyone knows about your religious preferences." he threatened. Kyle gulped and nodded. Stan let go of him and walked away. Kyle slunk down to the ground and rubbed his arm. _I'm no good at keeping secrets... _he thought miserably.

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**I hate Style! So, when Stan grabbed Kyle's arm, for those of you how thought it'd become a love triangle then... PSYCH!**

**Sorry for the short chapter! P.S. Lorry isn't anorexic.**


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